Beth: Chapter 6
Untitled
Digital
Emmalia Ning
By Xavier (they/them)
Adoptee, 27
Nanchang Project Volunteer
From Unknown, Jiangxi; Living in Lekwungen and WSANEC Territory, Victoria, B.C., Canada
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This story is deeply personal. It is a reflection of my journey—painful, messy, and sometimes raw, yet slightly fictionalized. All names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved with one exception: the titular character who is referred to by my original adoption name. I have chosen to share this story because I believe in the power of truth to heal and connect us and because I wish to illustrate the reality of growing up in a difficult adoptive home.
You may encounter moments of grief, trauma, and abuse within these pages. For some, these moments may be difficult to read. Please know that I include trigger warnings where appropriate, and I encourage you to take care of yourself as you engage with this story– if you so choose.
While my experiences have shaped much of my life, this is also a story of survival, resilience, and the ongoing journey toward wholeness. It is meant to offer solidarity and hope to those who may feel isolated or broken in their experiences as adoptees.
You are not alone.
If you or someone you know needs support, please consider reaching out to a trusted friend, counselor, or helpline. I have included links below and will continue to with each chapter as they are released.
Thank you for reading and holding space for this story.
With gratitude,
Xavier Huang
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Beth: A Love Story
Chapter 6
TW: Domestic Violence, Profanity, Allusions to Sexual Abuse, Self Harm.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, call or text 988. Available in the US and Canada.
Eric is in a good mood as Beth studies for her biology test at the kitchen table. No one in the family understands why she chooses to study amongst the noise of the household, but she finds that she focuses the best when she can hear people talking.
The TV is blaring from the other room, and Eric chuckles at something Rachel Maddow says. The sound of his laugh makes Beth smile, and her fingers trace the words of her textbook slowly. Earlier, he invited Beth to sit with him for a while. They drank Orange Pekoe tea and talked about the family, her friends, and dreams for the future.
Beth is still basking in the warmth of that conversation as she tries to focus on the interaction of the heart and veins in her textbook. She is thinking that she might make something of herself, that Eric might be proud of her one day.
The truth is, when Eric is happy, the world becomes a joyful place. He is charismatic and funny; he can make you feel like the most important and special person in the world. This is the side of himself he shows those outside of the household, and Beth wishes that Eric could always be this way; she does her best to make sure that she doesn’t ruin his good moods.
Despite the affection she feels for Eric, she is always uneasy around him—on edge. Sometimes his gaze lingers on her for too long and she crosses her arms over her chest, turns away so that he cannot see her form. Once, she remembers, he touched her, but she convinced herself it was a mistake. And when certain memories surface, she pushes them down until she cannot remember what they were trying to tell her, what her body seems to always know.
Eric reminds Beth of one of Lucy’s sayings: there once was a boy, and when he was good, he was very, very good and when he was bad, he was horrid.
She loves him the most when he is good.
She is trying to focus on the cardiovascular system when Celeste arrives home later than usual. Celeste works two part-time jobs, and Beth suspects that she is saving up to get away from them.
This evening, Eric was supposed to pick her up after her shift, but he went to the wrong place. By the time he realized his mistake, Celeste had already taken the bus home.
This is how it starts.
When Celeste walks through the front door, she is in a rage. Her temper can match Eric’s in its intensity, and immediately, Beth is on edge. Celeste is Eric’s favourite due to her academic and athletic success. She can challenge Eric in a way that the others would never be allowed to, but lately, the dynamic has changed; they have been fighting almost everyday.
For the first time, Celeste has a boyfriend, and Eric cannot stand the idea of her being with a man. He is furious about the prospect of her having sex and interrogates her about it regularly. They have been escalating towards a breaking point, and that threshold is breached tonight. Celeste slams the door, an action that is never tolerated in the house, and Beth barely has time to process what has happened before Celeste begins yelling.
She starts by criticizing Eric for the mistake he made when he was supposed to pick her up. She is close to tears as she berates him for making her find her own way home this late at night. But Celeste does not stop there. Beth does not understand that Celeste’s anger is masked by the pickup incident—that her rage is deeper and rooted in the life of fear they have lived.
Beth immediately feels anger on Eric’s behalf. She is furious that Celeste has ruined their temporary peace.
At first Eric laughs about her frustration and tries to brush off her words, but something about Celeste is different tonight. She does not stop when her and everyone else in the household knows she should. She does not seem to see the shift that occurs in Eric, the moment he switches from that charismatic man back to the horrid little boy. Or perhaps this is what she has been seeking, waiting to push them both past the point of no return.
And when Eric stands, his face contorted by rage, she seems to welcome it.
Their voices raise and profanities begin to fly. Beth is frozen to her seat; her heart is pounding and adrenaline courses through her body. She does not move, but her eyes are glued to the doorway watching as Eric and Celeste’s shadows trade cruel words. She silently curses Celeste for ruining the good mood they had been enjoying. She hates her for her ability to lash out.
Beth only gets up when she sees Eric move across the doorway and towards Celeste, leaving the living room and following her sister to the stairs. Suddenly her mind begins to work again, and she gets up and pursues them as their voices reach a fever pitch.
She is not the only one who has heard the commotion. Lucy emerges from her room and stands a distance away, watching silently while Helen appears at the top of the stairs and looks down at them with tears in her eyes.
Beth is screaming at Celeste to shut the fuck up. She begs her sister to stop fighting, to just go to her room and leave them all alone, but her words go unnoticed.
Eric is telling Celeste how ungrateful she is, how she should have been left in the orphanage as if that would be a worse fate than the lives they are currently living. Celeste is halfway up the first flight of stairs, her face red as she screams back that she would rather be in China, that she wishes she was never adopted. Eric calls her a slut and a whore and tells her that she is worthless; he says that it is probably genetic.
This is when Celeste breaks completely. She says the words that have been stuck in her throat for months, maybe even years.
“You’re a fucking creep,” she seethes, “You’re sick and your obsession with my sex life is gross. I wish you would just fucking leave me alone. You’re a fucking pervert, and I hate you!”
The words have barely left Celeste’s lips before Eric swings at her. He punches her in the face, and she drops immediately; Eric is on her before she hits the ground.
Beth can hear Lucy screaming now. She tells Eric he is a monster, that he is an animal, that he needs help. But he does not hear her. His hands are around Celeste’s neck, and he is squeezing her with all of his might. At the top of the stairs, Helen is clutching the railing and sobbing, her cell phone dangles from one hand.
Eric is on top of Celeste, strangling her as she grabs at his hands and kicks him weakly.
Beth is terrified he will kill her.
She moves before she has time to think. She plants one foot on the stairs between Eric’s legs and grips his brown woven belt. She leans back, pushing her foot against the stairs and begins to pull with all of her might. She is small, much smaller than him, but the adrenaline running through her veins gives her strength. Beth yanks at his belt, trying to pull him off of Celeste as tears stream down her face.
But her actions have shaken Lucy out of her shocked daze and her adoptive mother moves in to help her wrench Eric away. With a final pull, she and Lucy manage to get him off of Celeste, and Celeste crawls up the stairs, clutching her neck.
Beth steps between Eric and her sister who is trying to retreat to the safety of her bedroom. Beth is so shocked, so full of anger and fear that she no longer cares if he tries to hurt her, too. She shoves him in the stomach with all of her strength and tells him he needs to go.
“Leave!” she shrieks, “Get the fuck out of here! Go!”
But Eric does not leave. He shoves her off of him and she stumbles back. Then, he returns to his chair in the living room and turns the volume on the TV up high.
After everything is over, Beth wipes her tears. She tiptoes back into the kitchen to retrieve her textbook and discard her mug of tea, and as she heads back to her room, she sees Eric slouched in his chair. The light from the TV flickers across his face, but Beth cannot read his expression; she does not know what to think.
Once she returns to her bedroom, she tries to continue studying, but she can hear Celeste crying down the hall. Celeste’s voice is loud and raw from screaming. For once, she does not try to cry quietly and instead her sobs echo into the night. Beth presses both hands over her ears. She does not want to hear Celeste begging Lucy to let her leave.
Every time Beth closes her eyes, she sees Eric striking Celeste again. Sees her sister struggling, Eric’s hands around her throat.
Beth slaps her face three times, hard, trying to erase the memory through physical pain. But the images will not stop, like a movie she cannot escape. In the end, she closes her textbook and climbs into bed. She knows she will fail the test tomorrow, but she does not care.
To access licensed US mental health professionals who identify as adoptees and work with adoptees/adoptive families visit growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory.
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Untitled
Digital illustration
Emmalia NingRendered in grayscale, Emmalia Ning’s composition evokes distance through blurred lines, frayed edges, and the pull of negative space. Two figures, implied rather than defined, turn away from one another, their forms suspended between presence and absence. With no clear center, the piece drifts between tension and release, echoing the quiet instability of the chapter’s emotional landscape.
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Emmalia Ning (she/her) is an adoptee and painter from Guangzhou, Guangdong, currently based in Brooklyn, New York. Ning’s work is rooted in her identity as a transracial adoptee, reflecting on the complexity of connections. Her practice centers on dreamscapes that reclaim the myth of the red thread of fate, using flowing lines to visualize bonds formed not by destiny, but acts of will. Connect with Emmalia on Instagram and Tiktok @fakeartist.em.
Emmalia is the artist and illustrator of Book 1, Chapter 6; and Book 2, Chapter 12 of Beth. To learn more about Emmalia and the other artists of Beth, read about them here!
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The Author
Xavier (they/them) is an adoptee from Jiangxi who now lives on the unceded territory of the lək̓ʷəŋən and W̱SÁNEĆ nations (colonially known as Victoria, B.C., Canada). X is a prolific writer and enjoys creative non-fiction, fantasy, and fiction writing. Through their work they explore their identity as an adoptee, parse their lived experience, and explore what it means to be human. They joined the Nanchang Project in 2023 and cherish the community they have discovered amongst the volunteers and adoptee community generally.
The views expressed in blog posts reflect those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the shared views of The Nanchang Project as a whole.
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