Beth: Chapter 4
Escape
Digital illustration
Alex Seehuus
By Xavier (they/them)
Adoptee, 27
Nanchang Project Volunteer
From Unknown, Jiangxi; Living in Lekwungen and WSANEC Territory, Victoria, B.C., Canada
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This story is deeply personal. It is a reflection of my journey—painful, messy, and sometimes raw, yet slightly fictionalized. All names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved with one exception: the titular character who is referred to by my original adoption name. I have chosen to share this story because I believe in the power of truth to heal and connect us and because I wish to illustrate the reality of growing up in a difficult adoptive home.
You may encounter moments of grief, trauma, and abuse within these pages. For some, these moments may be difficult to read. Please know that I include trigger warnings where appropriate, and I encourage you to take care of yourself as you engage with this story– if you so choose.
While my experiences have shaped much of my life, this is also a story of survival, resilience, and the ongoing journey toward wholeness. It is meant to offer solidarity and hope to those who may feel isolated or broken in their experiences as adoptees.
You are not alone.
If you or someone you know needs support, please consider reaching out to a trusted friend, counselor, or helpline. I have included links below and will continue to with each chapter as they are released.
Thank you for reading and holding space for this story.
With gratitude,
Xavier Huang -
Beth: A Love Story
Chapter 4
TW: Domestic abuse, suicidal ideation
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, call or text 988. Available in the US and Canada.
They are driving in the minivan on their way home from the school's award ceremony. It is raining outside, like most nights, and the lights along the streets glow in orbs of orange and red. Beth holds her jacket in her hands. The fabric is twisted and damp with the sweat of her palms. For a moment, the only sound is the patter of rain on the roof and the swish of the windshield wipers. Then Eric’s voice cuts through the quiet. He is in a rage, his face crimson as he lobs insults at Beth in the back seat.
‘It would be easier if you were stupid!’ He is seething. ‘I would be less embarrassed if you were mentally incapacitated, but you’re not. You’re just lazy. A lazy piece of shit. I wish I could wash my hands of you,’ he says with disgust.
Beth is half listening, her face turned to the window. She tracks the raindrops that sluice down the glass and, as if mirroring the weather, wet, hot tears drip down her face.
Silently, she wonders why she is so lazy and unlovable. She does not understand why everything she does is wrong. She remembers the last time Eric scoffed at her report card and thinks of the shame that she felt. She suspects her birth parents saw the fundamental flaw that everyone else sees, and that they chose to rid themselves of the burden early. She does not blame them. Perhaps she would have done the same.
What she does not know is why she cannot stop failing all the time when she desperately wants to succeed. She wishes she could escape. Rather, she thinks she should die. But even death terrifies her; for its permanence, its solitude.
Eric once told her that if she were to become a drug addict and die from an overdose, he would spit on her grave. When he’d said that, she felt secretly pleased. 'At least that means he would visit me,' she thought to herself.
Now Eric is screaming at her again because she will not turn her face to look at him. She is trying to hide her tears from him. Crying always makes things worse.
Her chest aches as she suppresses the sobs stuck in her throat. In front of her, Celeste is listening to music through cheap wired earphones, and the sound of grainy music drifts to the back seat like a reminder that all could be well if only Beth was better.
Once she tried to run away, when she was much younger. She’d dreamed of escaping and joining a crew of lawless, parentless kids, like Scipio and the children in the book The Thief Lord. But she had lost confidence by the time she made it to the mainland an hour and a half boat ride away. She was picked up by police officers near a university who had seen her amber alert and she was sent back to the island the next day.
During the aftermath, Beth was interviewed by police officers and social workers, and though she told Lucy she wanted to share how scared she was of Eric, to tell the officers about the awful beating he had given her the year before, Lucy told her that to do so would mean she would destroy the family, that she would be taken away again and sent somewhere worse. Beth did not know if there was somewhere worse, but she also did not want to find out. So, she stayed quiet, and when the officers asked her why she ran away, she shrugged and said it was because she did not want to go to school that day.
The investigators concluded that she was spoiled and ungrateful and Beth realized that there was only one path to ensure she could never be trapped again. Silently, she decided that the only way to escape would be to die.
To access licensed US mental health professionals who identify as adoptees and work with adoptees/adoptive families visit growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory.
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Escape
Digital illustration
Alex SeehuusIn Escape, Seehuus renders a dreamlike view through a rain-soaked car window, where light and text drift without anchor. Blurred clusters glow against a deep, saturated palette, dissolving the boundary between interior and exterior space. Droplets streak the surface—some faintly red—while fragmented phrases float across the image, some bold, others fading like afterthoughts. Through layered digital techniques and disoriented perspective, the piece captures a suspended, fractured state—where memory, emotion, and environment blur into one.
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Alex Seehuus is an adoptee and artist from Wuzhou, Guangxi, raised in the midwest United States, and currently based in Phoenix. Seehuus’s love for printmaking translates into her artwork, digitally and physically, though she also dabbles in illustration. Connect with Alex on Instagram @acwhos or online at acwhos.wixsite.com/acwhosportfolio.
Alex is the artist and illustrator of Book 1, Chapter 4; and Book 2, Chapter 7 of Beth. To learn more about Alex and the other artists of Beth, read about them here!
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Xavier (they/them) is an adoptee from Jiangxi who now lives on the unceded territory of the lək̓ʷəŋən and W̱SÁNEĆ nations (colonially known as Victoria, B.C., Canada). X is a prolific writer and enjoys creative non-fiction, fantasy, and fiction writing. Through their work they explore their identity as an adoptee, parse their lived experience, and explore what it means to be human. They joined the Nanchang Project in 2023 and cherish the community they have discovered amongst the volunteers and adoptee community generally.
The views expressed in blog posts reflect those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the shared views of The Nanchang Project as a whole.
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