Beth: Chapter 9
Ocean Escape
Gouache on paper
Nicolette Lēcy (国志高)
Story by Xavier (they/them)
Adoptee, 27
Nanchang Project Volunteer
From Unknown, Jiangxi; Living in Lekwungen and WSANEC Territory, Victoria, B.C., Canada
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This story is deeply personal. It is a reflection of my journey—painful, messy, and sometimes raw, yet slightly fictionalized. All names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved with one exception: the titular character who is referred to by my original adoption name. I have chosen to share this story because I believe in the power of truth to heal and connect us and because I wish to illustrate the reality of growing up in a difficult adoptive home.You may encounter moments of grief, trauma, and abuse within these pages. For some, these moments may be difficult to read. Please know that I include trigger warnings where appropriate, and I encourage you to take care of yourself as you engage with this story– if you so choose.
While my experiences have shaped much of my life, this is also a story of survival, resilience, and the ongoing journey toward wholeness. It is meant to offer solidarity and hope to those who may feel isolated or broken in their experiences as adoptees.
You are not alone.
If you or someone you know needs support, please consider reaching out to a trusted friend, counselor, or helpline. I have included links below and will continue to with each chapter as they are released.
Thank you for reading and holding space for this story.
With gratitude,
Xavier Huang
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Beth: A Love Story
Chapter 9
One year later, Yu sits in a bar in Berlin. Graffiti lines the walls, and through the window, she watches people drinking around tables on the street. She sips from a glass of red wine, and across from her Aya smokes a hand-rolled cigarette. Music blasts from speakers hidden around the space, and the two sit in a comfortable quiet, reminiscent of their nights drinking beer in China’s heat.
The weight of Shanghai, of what their lives used to be, hangs heavy over Yu’s head. While Aya has continued to live, has formed a vibrant life in this city, Yu feels that for her, nothing has changed.
Today they wandered the streets of Berlin, stopping at cafes and record stores. Yu watched as Aya rehearsed for a theatre performance, the stage nestled in a bunker that was converted into a school. Although the show was in German, Yu was moved by the beauty of the actors’ movement, the cadence of their tone. She wished she might have a place there, that she could experience a life lived with joy. But her shyness kept her hidden in the shadows beyond the curtain. She only moved when it was time to go home.
Yu wonders if Aya finds their time together strange. One year has passed since they smoked a cigarette on the balcony in Shanghai, and yet this evening Yu’s throat aches from the dry sting of tobacco. Perhaps it isn’t strange to Aya, because even after all this time, Yu’s sadness is still as potent as it was back then.
There was a time when Yu sat with Aya in a bar on the opposite side of the globe. Her heart was broken, her jealousy piqued against the world. Yu had been in love with someone, and her trust had been betrayed. Leaning across the table, she argued for justice, she begged for peace.
But Aya had asked her, “Who are you to stop what might be perfection?” The world moves in strange ways, giving and taking without thought. Yu used to rage at inequity, disparity; she dreamed of an easy intimacy.
Now she sits in this bar, and the past surrounds her, freezing her in place. Yu thinks she might be different, but she suspects that to Aya, she feels the same. She imagines a time when she can run through this city without the weight of her past. But for now, she carries the love and regret of countless years and countless people. She wishes to be different, yet she is somehow still the same.
So instead, Yu dreams of the ocean, of her body sinking through the cold water of the Pacific, drifting down, down, down into the dark.
To access licensed US mental health professionals who identify as adoptees and work with adoptees/adoptive families visit growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory.
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Ocean Escape
Gouache on paper
Nicolette Lēcy (国志高)Painted in subdued, earthy tones, Ocean Escape evokes both the stillness and gravity of surrender. The landscape—reduced to faint trees and a distant shoreline—gives way to an expanse of cold, enveloping water. Within it, Yu (Beth) drifts downward, eyes closed, limbs slack, bubbles rising softly to the surface. The gouache medium lends a dense, velvety texture that heightens the sense of immersion, capturing the moment she yields to the depths. Through its muted palette and careful restraint, the work transforms a vision of descent into a meditation on release—where escape feels at once haunting and serene.
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Nicolette Lēcy (国志高) (Nicolette Lēcy (国志高)) is an adoptee, artist, and anthropologist from Zhanjiang, Guangdong, currently based in California, USA. Lēcy's work is rooted in her lived experience of Asian diaspora, non-consensual migration, and the entanglements of family, livelihood, and both sociocultural and natural environments. Her doctoral dissertation focused on reclaiming transracial adoptee epistemologies through the visual arts—a practice that also informs her own artwork, which explores alternate pasts, imagined futures, and the layered complexities of transracial and international adoption. Connect with Nicolette on Instagram @nicolette.lecy and @nicolette.lecy.art, and on LinkedIn and Facebook.
Nicolette is the artist and illustrator of Book 2, Chapter 9 of Beth. To learn more about Nicolette and the other artists of Beth, read about them here.
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Xavier (they/them) is an adoptee from Jiangxi who now lives on the unceded territory of the lək̓ʷəŋən and W̱SÁNEĆ nations (colonially known as Victoria, B.C., Canada). X is a prolific writer and enjoys creative non-fiction, fantasy, and fiction writing. Through their work they explore their identity as an adoptee, parse their lived experience, and explore what it means to be human. They joined the Nanchang Project in 2023 and cherish the community they have discovered amongst the volunteers and adoptee community generally.
The views expressed in blog posts reflect those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the shared views of The Nanchang Project as a whole.
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