Beth: Chapter 11
Story by Xavier (they/them)
Adoptee, 27
Nanchang Project Volunteer
From Unknown, Jiangxi; Living in Lekwungen and WSANEC Territory, Victoria, B.C., Canada
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This story is deeply personal. It is a reflection of my journey—painful, messy, and sometimes raw, yet slightly fictionalized. All names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved with one exception: the titular character who is referred to by my original adoption name. I have chosen to share this story because I believe in the power of truth to heal and connect us and because I wish to illustrate the reality of growing up in a difficult adoptive home.
You may encounter moments of grief, trauma, and abuse within these pages. For some, these moments may be difficult to read. Please know that I include trigger warnings where appropriate, and I encourage you to take care of yourself as you engage with this story– if you so choose.
While my experiences have shaped much of my life, this is also a story of survival, resilience, and the ongoing journey toward wholeness. It is meant to offer solidarity and hope to those who may feel isolated or broken in their experiences as adoptees.
You are not alone.
If you or someone you know needs support, please consider reaching out to a trusted friend, counselor, or helpline. I have included links below and will continue to with each chapter as they are released.
Thank you for reading and holding space for this story.
With gratitude,
Xavier Huang
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Beth: A Love Story
Chapter 11
When Yu finds the birth family search group, she is shocked. Eric died a year ago, and now, more than ever, she feels the draw of China, of finding her birth parents. Yu does not expect much from them, she has learned not to trust in the idea of parents. But she feels that somehow knowing that she came from somewhere, that she has someone she can definitively call her own kind, would change something. She hopes it might give meaning to this life of hurt. Or maybe nothing would change, and she will always be an orphan in the world.
She had no idea that searching was possible, least of all for someone like her. When Eric brought her from China, she was the wrong child. She should not have been allowed to leave the country, and at first she was not. But Eric was charismatic, he charmed the right people, knew exactly what to say. So she was allowed to leave and all of her information was taken from a girl who disappeared. Yu was made into someone new, forged through the loss of another orphan. In truth, Beth’s identity has never been hers. Even her birthday is false. So, when Eric died, Yu buried Beth next to him, the person who created her. She decided to begin from scratch.
As Yu looks through the stories, the matches, the process, she feels hope that she might find meaning, that a day will come when she is not a creation of a man or herself, but someone with a history and people who look like her. And when Yu sees an advertisement, asking for volunteers to join an organization and their mission of reunion, she does not hesitate as she opens her laptop and types out an e-mail.
To whom it may concern,
My name is Yu and I am an adoptee from Jiangxi province. Although I do not have any documents from my adoption, I am deeply moved by the mission of this group and the prospect of reuniting families across the world. I did not know that searching was possible, that there was a way to find answers. I hope to help other adoptees find their roots, and I am dedicated to supporting this work. I saw that you are looking for volunteers to help with grant writing. I have experience writing grants for government and non-profit positions. Please find attached a copy of my resume with some information about myself. I am happy to answer any questions you may have and I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Yu
She reads the e-mail once. And then again, and again. Her fingers hover above the mouse and she takes a deep breath.
She presses send.
To access licensed US mental health professionals who identify as adoptees and work with adoptees/adoptive families visit growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory.
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Xavier (they/them) is an adoptee from Jiangxi who now lives on the unceded territory of the lək̓ʷəŋən and W̱SÁNEĆ nations (colonially known as Victoria, B.C., Canada). X is a prolific writer and enjoys creative non-fiction, fantasy, and fiction writing. Through their work they explore their identity as an adoptee, parse their lived experience, and explore what it means to be human. They joined the Nanchang Project in 2023 and cherish the community they have discovered amongst the volunteers and adoptee community generally.
The views expressed in blog posts reflect those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the shared views of The Nanchang Project as a whole.
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