Photo courtesy of Leah.
By Leah Flynn (she/her)
Adoptee, 23
From Hengyang City, Hunan Province; Living in Ireland
I was just a newborn girl, ripped away from the person I was meant to call mom without choice.
I knew her before I even saw her.
I heard her voice, smelled her skin, felt her heartbeat—
it soothed me, it held me.
I started to attach to her while she carried me.
I was a part of her, and somehow, I still am.
I had this prenatal familiarity, this sense of her—
but the post-birth reinforcement was gone.
The consistency that turns love into safety,
the touch, the care, the responsiveness I needed—
All of our growing connection, was lost and taken away from me.
Now a part of me feels missing.
And a part of her is missing too.
That familiarity with her gave me a sense of safety I needed,
but her absence left a gap I can’t fill.
She brought me into this world.
Without her, I wouldn’t exist.
And sometimes… I don’t know if I can keep surviving without her.
The views expressed in blog posts reflect those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the shared views of Nanchang Project as a whole.
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