The Journey in Reverse – 27 years later
Photo courtesy of Elizabeth.
By Elizabeth Williams (she/her)
Adoptee, 27
From Guangxi; Living in USA
Instagram: @elizabethwilliamss
My journey began with a complex internal pull: the thrill of discovery competing with the vulnerability of putting myself out there. The sheer scale of the travel—a five-hour flight to San Francisco, fifteen hours to Hong Kong, and a two-hour train into Guangxi—underscored the staggering distance between my childhood home and my roots. I found myself thinking of myself at nine months who once made this journey in reverse, unaware of how that single trip would rewrite the trajectory of my life.
Arriving in Pingnan felt surreal. While I didn’t arrive with specific expectations, I was struck by the rural landscape; the sharp dichotomy between the infrastructure of Guangdong and Guangxi was evident the moment I stepped off the train.
Photo courtesy of Elizabeth.
Visiting my finding spot on the first day allowed me to finally visualize my own history. The intersection was busier than I had imagined as I began hanging flyers. We met a local worker who remembered a baby being left there in the early 2000s; though they recalled a warmer season than my winter birth, the lead felt like a profound spark of confirmation.
Photo courtesy of Elizabeth.
Throughout Pingnan, the local community met my search with incredible kindness. Social media became a vital bridge—I was even recognized while giving blood at the police station. These interactions deepened my understanding of the era’s strict family planning policies. I listened to stories from those who had found or adopted children themselves. One Chinese woman, who had found her daughter by the roadside and adopted her domestically, urged me not to hold onto anger toward my birth parents, explaining the impossible hardships of that time. It was a powerful, validating moment of perspective.
Photo courtesy of Elizabeth.
While connecting with locals was the heart of the trip, meeting searching birth families was the most sobering. By a striking coincidence, one family had left their child at my exact finding spot just two years before I was found. It was a strange, grounding realization to see parents who were likely around the same age as my own.
The most unexpected gift of the trip was a sense of "community" that transcended the language barrier. Locals told me I would always be a "child of Pingnan," welcoming me with open arms. In the villages indicated by my DNA, I saw my own features reflected in the faces of the people passing by.
Later, as an ambassador in Wuzhou and Yulin, the pressure eased. While Pingnan was personal, these cities allowed me to focus on the broader mission of the search. I witnessed the diversity of the region—from the urban sprawl of Wuzhou (complete with a familiar McDonald’s) to remote villages. I also learned the difficult reality of the "refusal." Some families declined to talk or test, and while that was hard to process as an adoptee, I practiced empathy for the trauma we were revisiting over twenty years later.
Photo courtesy of Elizabeth.
I ended the trip filled with gratitude. Returning to China didn't just show me where I came from; it gave me a much deeper, more nuanced understanding of the adoption process and the people who are part of my story. Looking back at that nine-month-old baby who first made this journey, I feel a profound sense of understanding. I have retraced her steps and reclaimed the narrative of my own beginning. I am no longer just a traveler in a foreign land; I am a daughter of two worlds, carrying the strength of my roots into everything I do next.
The views expressed in blog posts reflect those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the shared views of Nanchang Project as a whole.
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