Taylor and Bob Shennett: Questions from the Adoptee Community
Photo courtesy of Taylor.
By Nanchang Project, Taylor Shennett, and Bob Shennett
Taylor Shennett (she/her)
Adoptee, 29
From YiYang, Hunan; Living in Orlando, FL
Instagram: @taylorshennett
Bob Shennett (he/him)
Adoptive Father
From Philadelphia, PA; Living in Sarasota, FL
Start with Part 1: Begin with Taylor and Bob’s story in Part 1. Read the full narrative of their family journey, adoption experience, living in China, and birth family search.
Adoptee advocate, speaker, and content creator Taylor Shennett is joined in this Q&A by her father, Bob Shennett. Their relationship is shaped by adoption, family life, and years of shared experiences marked by openness, communication, and a continued effort to understand one another.
Their story may resonate deeply with some adoptees, but feel far removed from the experiences of others. As members of the international adoption community, we know there is no single adoption narrative and no universal family experience. Each of us carries our own history, questions, relationships, and understanding of adoption. What follows is not meant to represent every adoptee's story, but rather to contribute to the richness and diversity of our community. Whether readers find comfort, affirmation, disagreement, or challenge in the perspectives shared here, Taylor and Bob's willingness to openly share their journey adds another valuable voice to the ongoing conversation.
Published in recognition of Father's Day, we acknowledge that family-centered celebrations can carry many different meanings for adoptees. We hope the reflections shared here offer another perspective on family, identity, and belonging.
How did the first few days go after you adopted Taylor? Especially traveling alone?
Bob: The first few days were a mixture of joy, exhaustion, uncertainty, and love. Like many newly adopted children, Taylor was suddenly taken from everything familiar, her caregivers, her surroundings, her routines, and placed in the arms of a stranger. I remember wanting to comfort her while also realizing how overwhelming the experience must have been for her. Traveling alone made it even more challenging. Kelly stayed home with our infant daughter, Nicole, so I was experiencing all of these emotions without Kelly by my side. There were moments when I wished she were there to share the excitement, the worries, and the countless little decisions that come with caring for a new child, especially since I had no experience! At the same time, those days allowed Taylor and me to bond in a very special way. We spent long hours together in hotel rooms, on buses, and traveling between appointments. She was either in my arms, on my lap, or on my back in her backpack. We were inseparable. We were both learning about each other in real time. Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing. The trip was challenging, but it gave me memories with Taylor that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Those first few days marked the beginning of a father-daughter relationship that will never end.
We are adopting a little boy from Hong Kong and our agency asked what his new name will be. How important are birth names and do you regret changing your daughter’s name/having your name changed?
Taylor: For me, birth names are part of our identity. Some adoptees don’t feel a strong connection to their birth names and others do. I feel like it’s important to honor your child’s history by keeping their original name.
Bob: We do feel the name is an important part of the adoptive child’s heritage which is why we used Taylor’s Chinese name as her middle name. We named her Taylor RuiPing Shennett.
Do you think Chinese International adoptions would still be as popular nowadays as they were when you adopted/were adopted?
Taylor: No, I don't think so. A lot has changed since I was adopted in the late 1990s. China's economy has grown, the One Child Policy ended, and there are far fewer children eligible for international adoption. I also think people have a much deeper understanding of adoption today. There's more emphasis on ethical practices, family preservation, and listening to adoptee voices. Adoption is increasingly viewed as a lifelong journey with both joy and loss, rather than a simple path to parenthood.
Bob: Yes, if the same need still existed. I don't think adoptions from China were "popular" because they were fashionable. Families were responding to a very real humanitarian need. People from around the world opened their hearts and homes to children who needed families. For many of us, adoption was never about popularity; it was about providing a child with love, belonging, and opportunity.
How did being adopted from China influence your relationship and closeness with your sister? Did you talk to her much about your feelings as a transracial Chinese adoptee or your desire to know your biological history?
Taylor: I think the hardest thing for me was hearing that I didn’t look like I belonged in the family because my sister is the spitting image of both of our parents. Because strangers constantly brought up how I must be a friend, I had a very negative view of my adoption. I also felt that I had to earn our parents' love since my biological parents gave me up, and I was jealous that she didn't have to “earn” our parents' love. After therapy and growing up, we’ve been able to have open discussions about my identity and my desire to know my biological family. However, I recognize that for my sister, I’m the only sister she’s ever known, and those feelings about me finding my biological family would be complicated. Overall, she is still one of my best friends, and I’m very grateful to call her my sister.
You have what seems like such a positive relationship with your adoptive parents. How do you feel about your birth family? How do you hold both in your heart? What do you feel is the nature of the connection between the two?
Taylor: Growing up, I had a lot of complicated feelings about my birth family. At the time, I didn't fully understand the One-Child Policy or the immense pressures and challenges many families faced because of it. Because of that, I carried a lot of anger toward them. As I got older and began learning more about the realities of the policy and its impact, I realized my earlier perspective might not have been accurate. Today, I feel a great deal of compassion and love toward my birth family. I'm curious about who they are and what they're like. I wonder who I inherited certain physical traits, personality characteristics, and interests from. I want to know what their lives have been like and whether they've thought about me over the years. I'm not sure what a relationship would look like if we were ever reunited, and that's something I would have to navigate if that day comes. What I do know is that both my adoptive family and my birth family are important parts of my story. One gave me life, and one raised me, loved me, and helped shape who I am today. For me, honoring both sides doesn't feel contradictory. I carry both with me, and if a reunion ever happens, I would love for my parents and my birth family to meet.
How did you and your wife feel when Taylor expressed interest in seeking her roots and potentially finding her biological parents?
Bob: I was surprised when Taylor first expressed a desire to search for her roots, but as I listened and learned more about why it was important to her, I came to fully support her journey. To me, finding her birth parents would never change our relationship. She will always be my daughter, and I will always be her dad. Nothing can change that.
Kelly: I completely understand why Taylor would want to find her birth family. In fact, I believe that if I were in her position, I would feel the same way. I understand her desire to meet her birth parents, learn more about the circumstances surrounding her adoption, and perhaps simply see her birth mother face-to-face. At the same time, I would be less than honest if I said the idea didn't bring up some difficult emotions for me. There have been moments when I have felt threatened by the thought that another mother exists in the world who shares a connection with Taylor that I never can. At times, that has led to feelings of fear and insecurity. Over the years, I have had to work through those feelings and remind myself of the relationship that Taylor and I have built together. I have come to feel confident in my place in her life and secure in the bond we share. Our relationship was built through years of love, sacrifice, laughter, challenges, and countless memories that no one can take away. Now that we are both adults, I can look back and see that even during the hardest seasons, when our relationship felt strained, we loved each other deeply. That has never changed. More than anything, I want Taylor to have the freedom to understand her whole story, and I will always support her in that journey.
What were some of the thoughts or discussions you and your wife had, if any, about Taylor’s birth parents? Did you ever do anything to honor them?
We did not have any specific family conversations about this. When it came to the topic of Taylor’s birth family, we allowed her the space to lead, and we supported her along the way. We did not have a specific tradition or ceremony to honor them, but we have always recognized that Taylor's story began with them. Without their decision, difficult as it may have been, we would not have had the privilege of becoming her parents.
How much did you know about Chinese culture and language before you all moved to China? Did you ever have a moment when you regretted it?
Taylor: I knew a little about the culture from the media I consumed, but I didn’t feel truly immersed or comfortable claiming it. It really wasn’t until my parents moved and I got involved with the Asian American Association in college that I started celebrating and feeling more in touch. I took Mandarin in my first year of college, and to be honest, it wasn’t a language I fell in love with. Previously, I studied other languages and enjoyed some more than Mandarin, and I was the only Chinese student in my class, so I was held to a different standard. When they moved, I had some regrets about not being able to fully communicate, but at the same time, I have no interest in learning Mandarin now as an adult. This might change if I found my biological family, for now, I’m okay not knowing.
We are both adopted from Hunan around the same time, so I'm curious what you thought and felt about going back to your city, and specifically to your finding spot? Did you know at the time about faulty adoption documents? Did that change your perspective about your finding spot?
Taylor: My first time going back was very emotional because not only were we visiting my orphanage for the first time, but we were also in the process of doing my birth parent search. At the time, I was aware that some adoption documents could be false; however, I didn’t understand the scale of it. So at the time, I felt very emotional seeing my finding spot for the first time (my orphanage also had plans to tear down the original building only months after we visited, so that was my first and last time seeing that spot). Now, with the knowledge I have, my feelings towards that spot (and orphanage) are complicated. I think because that’s the story I know now, it still is very emotional, but if I am ever able to find my biological parents, that might change when I hear the full story.
There are many adoptees who are afraid to hurt their adoptive parents’ feelings. Or their family members were not happy with their decision to explore their origins. As a parent yourself, what would you say to any adoptive parents who are struggling to understand why their child wants to know their birth family?
Bob: I understand why this can create complicated emotions for adoptive parents. It certainly can bring up fears, insecurities, and questions about your place in your child's life. However, I would encourage adoptive parents to approach a birth family search with the same sacrificial mindset that led them to pursue adoption in the first place. When we adopted, our focus was not on ourselves; it was on doing what was best for our child. I believe that same perspective should guide us when our children express a desire to learn more about their origins. Ultimately, our role as parents is to support them, even when the journey may be emotionally challenging for us.
From my perspective, it is perfectly normal and deeply human to want to understand your origins, especially when part of your story is unknown. Wanting to know where you came from does not mean you love your adoptive family any less. It simply means there are pieces of your story that you hope to better understand.
I would encourage adoptive parents to approach these conversations with openness, empathy, and curiosity rather than fear. Allow your child the freedom to explore. Their desire to learn more about their birth family does not diminish the love they have for you or the family you have built together. In many cases, it may help them better understand themselves and fill in important pieces of who they are.
At the end of the day, love is not a limited resource. Supporting your child's search does not weaken your relationship; it can strengthen it by demonstrating that your love is secure enough to walk beside them wherever their journey leads.
For adoptees, there is often a villainization (for lack of a better word) of either the adoptive family or the birth family, which often dictates relationships and search/reunion. Can you share some of your thoughts on this generally? Thoughts about how this relates to your experiences?
Taylor: For me, that's one of the reasons I choose to share so much of my birth family search publicly. I think adoption conversations often get reduced to one extreme or the other. Either birth families are villainized, or adoptive families are. The reality is usually much more nuanced than that.
What I hope to show through my own story is that adoption can hold multiple truths at the same time. I can deeply love and appreciate my parents while also being curious about my birth family. My desire to search isn't a reflection of something missing in my relationship with my parents. It's a reflection of a very natural desire to understand where I come from and the people connected to my story. One thing I've encountered throughout my search is people telling me that looking for my birth family must hurt my parents' feelings. In reality, my parents have been some of my biggest supporters. They've encouraged my curiosity, supported my search, and never made me feel like I had to choose between them and my birth family. I think when we force adoption into a good-versus-bad narrative, we lose sight of the complexity that so many adoptees live with every day. My hope is that by sharing my experience, other adoptees see that they're not alone. It's okay to love your adoptive family and still wonder about your birth family.
As Father's Day reminds us, relationships between adoptees and their fathers can take many forms. Some are marked by closeness, others by complexity, and many by a mixture of both. Taylor and Bob's experiences are one example of what can grow from years of support, communication, curiosity, and a willingness to keep learning from one another.
Whether their reflections felt familiar or entirely outside your own experience, we are grateful to them for offering their perspectives. By sharing openly about adoption, identity, birth family search, and family relationships, they contribute to the ongoing conversations that help strengthen and deepen our community.
In Part 1, Taylor and Bob reflect on their family journey, from Taylor’s adoption and early years together to life in China and the experiences that have shaped their relationship as father and daughter.
Read last year’s Father’s Day Blog post. An anonymous letter from an adoptee to her unknown birth father.
The views expressed in blog posts reflect those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the shared views of The Nanchang Project as a whole.
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