The Unknowing
By Jenna M.
Adoptee, 29
From Longyan City, Fujian; Living in North Carolina, USA
My parents never hid the fact I was adopted, nor did they cover up the wonderful story of how much they wanted a little girl— thus traveling all the way to China to get me. I will NEVER consider anyone else as my parents. However, each year on my birthday, I allow myself 5 minutes to cry. I cry because I envision this beautiful, broken woman that gave birth to me. I wonder if she is still alive.. and if so, does she, too, think about me? I certainly think about her. I am grateful for the 2 weeks she tried to take care of me before ultimately dropping me off on those orphanage steps. Deep down, I know she loved me—as I love her... even though I don’t know her. I do not consider her to be my “mom,” but nevertheless, I have her DNA and she will forever be a part of me. As much as I yearn to know her, I could not have asked for a better life because I know it would have been so different if I had stayed in China. It’s just the unknowing that eats me alive. Perhaps, one day, I will know.
The views expressed in blog posts reflect those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the shared views of The Nanchang Project as a whole.
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